Sunday, August 6, 2017

Why I love Makeup....


Fair Warning.....this is going to be a lengthy post.

I've been seeing a lot of makeup bashing lately and to be honest it has gotten to me a little bit......it stings hearing negative things about something you love so much, but instead of going into full battle mode and trying to vehemently defend it at every turn, I thought I would try to explain why I love makeup to the people who don't understand or get it.

I'm honestly so scared writing this and to share this because it makes me really vulnerable but here goes......I have a really debilitating depression and anxiety disorder.  Since I was about 15 years old I've struggled with this. I didn't even know what it was until I was in my twenties.....I just knew I was extremely unhappy. It got so bad that once I graduated high school, I basically retreated from the world. My life was on hold and nothing anybody said or did could make me feel okay. I was so unhappy that I would spend an entire day in bed not wanting to get up or feeling physically incapable of getting up. I'd spent countless days and nights crying myself to sleep over everything and nothing. I'd isolated myself from family and friends.

Depression hurts......Anxiety hurts......a lot......it leaves you feeling empty inside and hopeless. So many thoughts run through your head like, "Am I good enough?", or "Do I have a purpose in life?". I've wished so many times that it would get better. Distractions help......a little.

In order to distract myself, I started watching youtube and going online more. Eventually, I came across NikkieTutorials channel and I was fascinated with how she would do her makeup. Her artistry and skills amazed me so much and that made me want to start experimenting with my own makeup more. Every day I would open up my beauty bag and try out different looks. Makeup was slowly healing the broken pieces of me that I thought would never heal. When I put on makeup, I feel like my spirits are lifted and a better, brighter version of me is awoken.

Makeup is beauty, but not in the superficial sense of the word. Makeup is art and art is beauty.When I put on my makeup, I do it because it brings me joy, not because I'm trying to cover something up and,while makeup doesn't cure me of my debilitating depression and anxiety, it does make it possible for me to believe that their is beauty in the world and that I can find a little joy, if only for a small moment.

On the surface, makeup can seem vain and shallow. But for someone like me, it is much more than trying to look good or concealing the skin on your face. It gives me a reason to wake up in the morning and their is true beauty in that.

When I started this blog, I would write about anything and everything because I was trying to find my voice. This was also the same time that I had checked out from the world. I would participate in FB groups for blogging and try to interact with other bloggers, but I still felt like a shell of a person and I had lost my passion for blogging. This blog started to feel like a chore and I'm sure other people who read it could tell my heart wasn't in it.

So that moment when I found Nikkietutorials not only lifted my spirits and got me interested in in makeup, but it also helped me rediscover my passion for blogging and I knew this is what I wanted to share with the world......... this piece of my heart that filled me with so much joy. I knew I wanted to blog about makeup and ever since then I've felt a little glimmer of hope ........that makeup and sharing my passion for it with the world is my purpose.

If something makes you happy, then I implore you to not give in to the naysayers. Don't let anyone steal that joy from you! You deserve joy! Life is so hard and sometimes it's the little things in life that matter the most!


Please let me know in the comments below what brings you joy......I really want to hear from you!!




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