Sunday, August 6, 2017

Why I love Makeup....


Fair Warning.....this is going to be a lengthy post.

I've been seeing a lot of makeup bashing lately and to be honest it has gotten to me a little bit......it stings hearing negative things about something you love so much, but instead of going into full battle mode and trying to defend it at every turn, I thought I would try to explain why I love makeup to the people who don't understand or get it.

I'm honestly so scared writing this and to share this because it makes me really vulnerable but here goes......I have a really debilitating depression and anxiety disorder.  Since I was about 15 years old I've struggled with this. I didn't even know what it was until I was in my twenties.....I just knew I was extremely unhappy. It got so bad that once I graduated high school, I basically retreated from the world. My life was on hold and nothing anybody said or did could make me feel okay. I was so unhappy that I would spend an entire day in bed not wanting to get up or feeling physically incapable of getting up. I'd spent countless days and nights crying myself to sleep over everything and nothing. When I did go out and was around other people, I would put a smile on and act like everything was okay, but on the inside I was desperate for help.

Depression and anxiety leaves you feeling empty inside and hopeless. So many thoughts run through your head like, "Am I good enough?", or "Do I have a purpose in life?". I've wished so many times that it would get better.

In order to distract myself, I started watching youtube and going online more. Eventually, I came across NikkieTutorials channel and I was fascinated with how she would do her makeup. Her artistry and skills amazed me so much and that made me want to start experimenting with my own makeup more. Every day I would open up my beauty bag and try out different looks. Makeup was an outlet for me to be able to escape my problems even if it was only for just a little while. When I put on makeup, I feel like my spirits are lifted and a better, brighter version of me is awoken.

Makeup is more than just whats on the surface. When I put on my makeup, I do it because it brings me joy, not because I'm trying to cover something up or hide myself and while makeup doesn't cure me of my debilitating depression and anxiety, it does make it possible for me to believe that their is beauty in the world and that I can find a little joy, if only for a small moment.

Makeup can seem vain and shallow to those who have no interest in it. A makeup lover is often characterized as someone who cares too much about the way they look. That couldn't be farther from the truth.  For someone like me, it is much more than trying to look good or concealing the skin on your face. It gives me a reason to wake up in the morning and their is true beauty in that.

When I started this blog, I would write about anything and everything because I was trying to find my voice. This was also the same time that I had checked out from the world. I would participate in FB groups for blogging and try to interact with other bloggers, but I still felt like a shell of a person and I had lost my passion for blogging. This blog started to feel like a chore and I'm sure other people who read it could tell my heart wasn't in it.

So that moment when I found Nikkietutorials not only lifted my spirits and got me interested in in makeup, but it also helped me rediscover my passion for blogging and I knew this is what I wanted to share with the world......... this piece of my heart that filled me with so much joy. I knew I wanted to blog about makeup and ever since then I've felt a little glimmer of hope ........that makeup and sharing my passion for it with the world is my purpose.

If something makes you happy, then I implore you to not give in to the naysayers. Don't let anyone steal that joy from you! You deserve joy! Life is so hard and sometimes it's the little things in life that matter the most!


Please let me know in the comments below what brings you joy......I really want to hear from you!!





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